Community Blog

Shabbat Shalom. Today is the 23rd day of the Omer. We are almost exactly halfway through this period from Pesach to Shavuot, from liberation to revelation. This time of year, every year, Jews around the world gather and recount the Exodus from Egypt, freedom from slavery, and survival as a Jewish nation. Holiday celebrations bring together family and friends to rejoice and remember, to pray and learn in community. However, for survivors of intimate partner violence and sexual assault, this can be extremely triggering as they may face their abusers. Every year, JCADA commemorates Sexual Assault Awareness Month throughout April with Teal Shabbat, by encouraging clergy and religious leaders to talk about this issue from the bimah within their congregations and communities. I am proud to be a part of this effort, and to speak with you all tonight about the importance of supporting survivors. 

In this week’s Torah portion, Parashat Kedoshim, we read; “Lo tikom v’lo titor et b’nei amecha v’ahavta l’rei-echa kamocha (You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge against the members of your people; and you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” [Leviticus 19:18]). Kedoshim means holiness, and it brings us a long list of what is holy and what it is not according to Jewish laws. It also explores how to bring holiness in the public and community. However, what about taking a moment and talking about what happens behind closed doors? A biblical commandment well-known to most of us appears in the center of this torah portion: Lev 19:16— “al ta'amod al dam re'echa--do not stand idly by the blood of your neighbor.” This parsha examines how we can work as a community to help the survivors of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. Research tells us that one in four (1 in 4) women and one in seven (1 in 7) men will be victims of intimate partner violence, and that one in six (1 in 6) women and one in thirty-eight (1 in 38) men will be victims of rape or attempted rape. These are our neighbors, our friends, our family, and our community members. Parshat Kedoshim tells us again to not stand idly by, to not close our eyes, to not be a bystander. Our obligation is to speak out and speak up for the well-being of our community. 

It can be difficult to know what the right thing to do might be to help someone in such a situation. Calling too much attention to the abuse can make the abuser clamp down and make it harder for the survivor to get away. It is our responsibility as good neighbors, friends, and community members to help survivors discreetly, preferably by getting them in touch with professionals. The margin of error for those of us without proper training can have far too great a cost. That is not to say we are safer to stay out of it - but that we pass them JCADA’s information, or simply offer them a safe place to stay if they need to leave their homes and relationships in a hurry. Depending on the age of the survivor, calling Child Protective Services or Adult Protective Services may help as well. As a community, after the abuser and the survivor are separated and the survivor is safe, we may also help with the processes of healing and teshuvah - so long as it continues to be survivor-led. While some abusers may be able and willing to change and be acceptable to our community standards, it is also completely reasonable for the survivor to continue to never want to see them, and we may have to learn as a community how to respect that. It can be challenging to keep a synagogue - especially a small congregation like ours - a safe spiritual space for everyone if a situation like that has occured within our membership. But we must do our due diligence to maintain a kehillah kedosha - a holy community - rooted in safety and respect. 

This Teal Shabbat, may we pledge to believe and support survivors, encourage teshuvah, and create a safe space for all at Ner Shalom. Amen and Shabbat Shalom.